I’m not talking about the why as in “why did this happen to me?” I’m not even talking about the “why is this or that going on in the world?”

I’m talking about the why you want what you want. For me, this idea of why didn’t come until I started venturing into personal development and coaching. 

I don’t even recall asking my children why they were selecting the majors they selected for college. It may have been partly because they went to college and could handle the work. I was just grateful for that.

I think the answer to why is more interesting to consider. If you want a new car, why? In most instances, we allow ourselves to believe the new car will cause some feeling when we gain the new car. I’ll feel safer because the one I have is old and breaks down all the time. I’ll feel sexier because the car I want is sexy.

I’ve noticed that without thinking about why many of the things I think I want are just examples of following the crowd and don’t really do anything for me.

I’ve invested in materials for craft projects that never get finished. I’m learning that getting from the supplies to the finished product takes time and effort on my part. More interesting, the outcome I’m looking for is to have something to do with my hands. If I keep my hands busy, I’m less likely to snack while I watch my screens.

The finished products seem to be just an afterthought. I don’t need another hat or pot holder, I just want to feel distracted and busy. I’m not exactly proud of these outcomes and yet it seems like progress to have fewer undone projects lurking around.

That’s the other reason examining the “why” behind what I think I want matters. Often we want something because of how we think it will make us feel. 

Those feelings you want to experience are already available to you. You create your feelings in your own mind with your thoughts.

I know this isn’t what we learned. They have taught us something outside of us causes our feelings. Did someone hurt your feelings? You should feel ashamed of yourself for, enter youthful transgression here.

To keep us safe, our brains take this input and we feel threatened. 

The problem is the threat level of those outside events has changed dramatically since the days of saber-tooth tigers, famine, and other threats that existed at the beginning of our earliest existence as a species. The oldest part of our brain, the part in charge of keeping us safe, hasn’t caught up with the fact that the world is a very different place.

Here’s the point, all those feelings you think you’ll have because of the new car, the finished craft project or the thinner body are available to you now without those things.

The feelings of accomplishment or joy you feel when you get something you want also don’t last. Have you noticed that? The thrill of a new car doesn’t last as long as the smell. The feelings you thought you’d have when you finished your creation don’t actually happen unless you take action to create the outcome. Having the supplies certainly doesn’t bring you joy if they’re just sitting in a craft closet somewhere. New golf clubs might not improve your score or enjoyment without practice.

Often, we don’t even revel in our accomplishments when we have them.

What do you want now and Why?

Once we’re retired from our life’s work, or paid employment, looking at what we want our lives to be in this next phase, and why we want it, how we want to feel because of it is all unfamiliar territory.

Recognizing that retirement isn’t all rainbows and daisies for any of us, getting in touch with what we want now and why is worth pondering. Your retirement doesn’t have to look like your parents or your friends, although continuing to follow along can be an easier path. 

Which begs the question, why do you want to follow along with conventional wisdom about what retirement can be? For the first time, possibly, you’re not responsible for anyone else’s life but your own. 

When I’m 80 or 90, I want to feel proud of what I’ve created since I retired. I want to feel I’ve put something of value out into the world in this stage. I feel encouraging others to pursue something more than recreation and retiring from their future serves all of those who imagine something more out of this phase of life.

Regardless of where you are on your retirement journey, imagine yourself ten years in the future. What are the highlights your future self can see over these last ten years? What are the areas where you’ve grown as a person? What have you created?

You’re correct, once you’ve retired, none of that matters. The choice to continue learning, growing and creating gets harder the further we move away from conventional wisdom regarding what these years are supposed to be. There’s also the opportunity to just allow the discomfort that will come with pursuing what you’ve always wanted to be or do. It is unlikely any discomfort you feel will end you.

Why do you want what you’ve always wanted to be or do? Why have you abandoned something you always wanted to be or do at this point and settled for a conventional retirement?

I encourage you to write all the things that come to mind on a piece of paper. Dump everything that comes to mind on paper. Ignore the voices in your head saying you’re too old now. With each former and current want, add why you want it? Does this idea still energize you?

How could what you once wanted fit into your future now?

I have a fairly consistent journaling and future imagining practice. I reflect on any progress I’ve made towards the future I see for myself.