This is an experiment into what happens when women let themselves feel pride at the end of every day for what they’ve accomplished during the day. I believe taking pride in the results we create is self-care. It’s a way we can have our own back every day.

By definition, pride refers to a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements. Being proud of those achievements is a measure of self-respect.

I know as women, we’ve been told pride is an undesirable trait. Look at women who you dislike because they will list and announce their accomplishments out loud. And history has listed pride as one of seven deadly sins.

We are the victims of brainwashing or socialization. Women who are proud of themselves and speak out about their accomplishments are doing something that is labeled unladylike. They often consider women who take pride in their creations controlling or unreasonable. You may have even called them a pejorative term that rhymes with witch.

Everyone sees it differently when a man announces his accomplishments and takes pride in what he’s done. It does not embarrass men to call attention to what they’ve done. I’m not saying that’s wrong, I’m saying women deserve the same freedom.

Most women don’t get enough acknowledgement or recognition for all we do or have done. Most of the time, we don’t recognize other women for what they have done. We don’t even acknowledge our own accomplishments when someone else points them out. We certainly don’t announce them ourselves. — not even in the privacy of our own daily journals.

Acknowledging ourselves for our accomplishments generates feel-good chemicals in your brain. And your brain doesn’t know the difference between someone else saying “you can be proud of yourself for what you’ve done here” and you saying it to yourself in the mirror or writing it down in your journal. 

Toot Your Own Horn

We’re socialized not to toot our own horn, hoping someone else will notice. Yet we’re often demoralized and feel invisible when no one does notices. 

I think women also have a tendency to undervalue their accomplishments. Many of us do things everyday we don’t feel like doing because we believe we have to. Doing something you don’t really feel like doing because it will add value to your life or the lives of others is worth notice. You can be proud of yourself for all of those things. 

So here’s the challenge. Every day for 30 days, take a moment to reflect. Find something to give yourself credit for, to be proud of. It doesn’t have to be life changing or world saving, just something you completed or created during the day you will give yourself credit for.

Examples might a completed a workout, ignoring your screens in favor of cleaning out a drawer or closet, calling a friend you’ve been meaning to call, organizing an outing, or anything else you often take for granted because you’re supposed to do it. If you have goals or things you want to accomplish, give yourself credit for investing in moving them forward.

Write what you are proud of and also pay attention to any un-easiness you’re feeling. What beliefs are coming up for you about what it means to acknowledge what you’re proud of and are those thoughts really true? 

This isn’t an exercise in giving yourself more things to do, this is an exercise in noticing yourself and giving yourself credit for what you do. This is an exercise in self-care and having your own back in the world.

I’ve been sharing a thought about what I’m proud of each day with a group of friends on Facebook. First off, it is hard for me and the others in the group to give ourselves credit for something every day. A probably not quite fair joke is “If you were a man, what did you do today that you’d be proud of?” And answers like “the dishes” come up.

There are many things everyday we do because we think we should. As I’ve said before, should is not a useful place from which to take action.

For me, when I think I should do something, it comes from a belief that others will think something negative about me if I don’t do it. It’s a belief that often I’ve carried around for years, decades even. Like I should do the dishes or clean the house. You don’t have to do any of those sorts of things.

I’m proud of the things I do in a day that I’ve told myself I’m going to do and when it comes time to do them, like walking for 30 minutes, I don’t want to do it. I make excuses and try to let myself off the hook for the promise I made to myself earlier.

The other way to think about it is if you knew a friend or acquaintance had created the result you’ve created, would you give them some sort of recognition?

Try finding something you’re proud you accomplished or created every day for the next thirty days. If you don’t have any friends who will do it with you, just create a running list. Take a piece of paper and number 1 – 30 down the left-hand side and each day pick one thing and record it on the list.

Don’t Quit, Keep Going From Where You Are

What happens if you don’t think you have anything to be proud of one day? First, I would encourage you to think again. When true, be proud of yourself for getting out of bed and getting dressed.

What happens if you forget a day or two? Don’t quit, pick up where you left off and keep going until you’ve identified something to be proud of for every line on your piece of paper.

As you look back over the list, you may hear the little voice in your head saying what you’ve done every day is no big deal. Trust me, whatever is on your list, there’s someone out there who wishes they’d done what you’ve done. There are people who wanted to get out of bed and get dressed and didn’t. There are people who want to be exercising every day and aren’t.

Acknowledging yourself every day for what you create builds self-confidence. We don’t have the typical work a day accomplishments acknowledged by bosses and coworkers any longer. If we don’t do it for ourselves, who will?